Most people are completely passive in their friendships. Someone sets a surface-level tone, they match it. Nobody goes deep first, so the friendship stays shallow. Nobody hypes anyone up, so wins feel awkward to share. The vibe just… is what it is.
But here’s what changes everything: you’re not passive. You create the dynamic you want by being it first.
stop waiting for someone else to go first
You want deeper conversations? Be the one who asks the real questions. Don’t wait for someone else to get vulnerable — you go first. Create the space and people will meet you in it.
You want more celebration in your circle? Start celebrating loudly. Hype your friends up like their wins are your wins. Make it so normal to cheer each other on that competition feels foreign.
You want more authenticity? Stop performing. Share the messy stuff, not just the highlights. Be real about what you’re going through and you’ll create a culture where it’s safe for others to be real too.
✨ Whatever energy you want more of in your friendships- be that energy first. That’s not just advice, it’s literally how group dynamics work.
stop accepting crumbs
Here’s the harder truth: you have to stop settling for the shallow version of a friendship when you’re craving depth. Stop tolerating dynamics that consistently don’t feel good. Stop waiting for someone else to raise the bar.
You raise it. Not by demanding anything from anyone, but by simply being what you want to attract. The right people — your actual people — will respond to that energy.
you’re teaching people how to treat you
Whether you realize it or not, you’re always teaching people what’s acceptable. If you consistently accept being an afterthought, that becomes the standard. If you accept one-sided effort, that becomes the norm.
But when you show up with intention, when you establish through your actions what you value- reciprocity, depth, genuine connection- the people who are meant to be in your life will meet you there. And the ones who can’t? That’s information too.
your weekly challenge
Identify the energy you most want more of in your friendships right now. More depth? More fun? More honesty? More celebration? Then ask yourself honestly- are you being that energy? This week, be the one who sets that tone. Don’t wait for permission or for someone else to go first. Just start.